"Nevertheless"

  P rivacy is important to me. Although I might share my heart with someone one on one, or with trusted friends and family, for some reason I find it difficult to disclose my inner-most in the written word or bring attention to myself. Mind spasms and writhing anxieties consume me when I even think about it. I read others written words.  They are baring their souls to the world.   Sharing their shortcomings, their failures, their fears, their terrible bad thing. Those things are hard.    It requires caring enough to help others by sharing the ugly part of yourself. How do they do that?   I want so badly to have that kind of courage. So God can use me to have an effect somehow. So here I go. I am absolutely terrible at and embarrassed by self promotion and too prideful to share my deep dark. I guess it does boil down to pride. Today I was interviewed for a local Christian television program.   Surprisingly to me...

The ocean soothes me. It reminds me of how huge and mighty is our God. It amazes me that the ocean can just lap at the sand on the beach in gentle little ripples. How in the world can a body of water so hugely heavy and powerful just gently caress the shore one day then rave and pound the sand on the next as though it is battling the beach for its very existence? We do that.   Or I do.   One day I'm fine.   The next I want to scream at the world in resistance to circumstance or dark pain. I choose to live without timidity in this battle. I choose to fan the flame of the gift that God has put in me and live in His spirit of power and love and self discipline. (2 Timothy) Days of peace in my spirit even though the storm rages around me.   Even though the toilet overflows or the bills are past due, or emotions flood my being, I will keep His peace as I battle on. Because He has already won.

Thirty. Thirty things. I walked through my house today and deliberately counted the things that I would not leave behind were I to move.   Besides family pictures, clothing, dishes and whatnot, you know?   I wanted to have an idea of what items in my home really mean anything to me.   Is thirty things a lot?  Or is it a small amount?   I don't know. I laughed because in the end, none of it means anything.